happy post.

Ok , this one is going to be a happy post. I am tired of being down and depressed all the time. Although , I realized one thing. The moment I become happy I am so scared. why? because I know it won't last.SO then I can't wait to be down again. I am basically more comfortable when I am a little sad I think. I am a lot sober and reality doesn't hit me like a ton of bricks every other time. So, alright .Think happy.
Ah. yes. happy times.
growing up was just the most uneventful period of my life. It was so normal to the point of being dull.But I loved it then and I would still love to have it all over again. why ? Because there were zero complications.
All I was ever bothered about was pizza, stationery, cleaning my room , watching tv and sleeping in air conditioning. seriously.
haha. And I loved having crushes then. They were so pure. They were so much fun and sweet.
ooh...am going at a tangent here but I am just writing about all the stuff that made me happy back then.
I used to be into the swat kats . remember that cartoon . T - bone and what's-his-name...oh yeah razor.wow I used to so love that show . And of course the wonder years and small wonder and doogie howser. I grew up on them and of course the coffee and snacks along with watching tv. I loved my life then. I got everything I wanted , Probably because my wants weren't that much. There used to be a staionery store near my house and I had to go there everyday just to check out the stationery. It was that simple.
But I think everything started changing drastically by the time I was in the tenth. BY then i was into dido and roswell wishing for a guy like michael from the show and of course into reading big time. And my crushes blossomed into serious heart ache.lol Those were the days. I loved every minute of my love sickeness.I guess that was just me you know. Oh wow . there are so many things about growing up that I cherish. It's so hard to think of me as grown up.

revelations.a tad late?

I have exactly two minutes to write this post. Why oh why didn't I study all through college and now that I am in my final year I actually get the point or the points as the case maybe here.
A. Bloody !@#$$%$ I am intelligent. I believed everyone else and the only person I didn't believe was me.It's complicated for me to explain, but I realized it . I hope it's not too late.
B. There is a huge amount to study and possibly will be there to study for a loooong time after I get my degree.
C. It's not all about the books! Really it isn't. It is about ,first and foremost , listening ( I learnt that listening is in a league of it's own.It makes people feel important and also from recent experiences listening can change lives and if you have been part of something like that , you will know what I mean), then it's about being humble and doing your bit.
D. That I actually have the potential to make a good doctor , no scratch that , a really really good doctor and to change lives on a large scale.

E. and also hah. this one i love ... people will always snigger ..and why is that? either because they don't have the capacity to understand you or because they know heart of hearts they can never match up to you.

capish?

First Sightings.

how the two intertwined?
it's a long story with a twisted mind

2 lost souls on a lonely sea
never they met or see

one fine day a comrade came
bound the two all the same

one and two were all it took
for the writing of a lustful book

and so the story stays
only time will tell the change

so back to blogging

so the last post was a very short one.It was just something that I thought conveyed pages. Lol..Anyway onto other things. I have been taking tons of pictures lately and I have fallen in love with my camera and my subjects.There was this one picture that I took of my friend standing by the backwaters and it totally killed me. As in , I thought the picture conveyed so much. One of my favourite pictures to date.It has been a week of events. Lots to taken in , understand and think through, I wasn't the logical person I thought I was. When it comes to certain things that is. Maybe that is a good thing . It 's a good thing to be thinking with one's gut and heart once in a while I suppose.Hmm. I don't seem to be making sense. Anywho. short post .But all i can think of now.
cheers

LOVE

Hurts......

sanity

i have lost.I don't know where to begin. But I thought this post would be a little bit about the person I was. Before I joined college, I was quite literally the queen of my court. I had an amazing set of close friends, a larger set of friends and big circle of people I just knew and a bigger circle of people who knew me. I was popular. And I was appreciated. I was smart. I knew it and people about me knew it. I was well- mannered . Still am. I had priorities. which hae drastically changed.And I had a lot of love in my life. And lots of laughter. And lots of fun. I mean there were fights, mean ones. But no bitterness. They were fair fights. You would never feel like a loser at the end of the fight , you know. Man things have changed. One thing I have noticed. As you grow older , the need to be recognized increases.And by whatever means, that has to be achieved. I have come across very few people who have actually managed to do that with grace.I think today I was just thinking about how it was like before when it was all about being fair, understanding another's problems and healthy competition. It's a sad world we live in now. There is no competition, it's literally a bloodbath. And I want no part.Damn , I don't think I can finish this post.

Me...ruminating

three and a half years is not a joke.It's enough for a person to grow up in a lot of ways. For friendships to be made and broken , to fall in love and out of it, to learn and unlearn , to have a first of so many things, to decide on life , to decide whom to share the rest of it with , get pregnant , to pass exams and flunk them.so many beautiful, sad , ironic and incredibly amusing things have taken place in my life in the past three and half years. I have just discovered that though i keep cribbing everyday that life just doesn't seem to be taking off , i have really 'lived' it in the truest sense of the word in the past three and a half years. I have quite literally jumped with joy, wept into my pillow night after night, felt the most alone, felt the most wanted , felt pride, envy , amusement .I have never been subjected to more of a rollercoaster ride than the time i have been in college.My final year has finally arrived and it dawns on me that i have not quite gained any knowledge but wisdom.This place makes you grow up .Really fast .It makes you take a look at yourself at your worst and if you are smart helps you correct yourself. I am sad because I have just about started picking out the people I really like and would like to be around and we are leaving .It's too soon.I want time with them .Because god only knows friends come by like a comet that appears only once every 4 centuries.The other thing is , I am shit scared.It's a big bad wolf of a world out there, too many things to look out for. I don't want to become more jaded than I already am.Because then it would be a shame.