Tamal penn

I hardly know if anyone ever reads this blog and I am fairly sure , no scratch that, absolutely sure it doesn't match up to so many amazing pieces of writing out there, but it feels wonderful.It feels wonderful to be able to type out what it is one is thinking right at this instant and post it a second later for all the world to see or not to see in my case.But it doesn't matter.Today I am going to write about the pangs of being Tamal.I don't even know if that is a word, but it sure describes me. Born a tamilian , raised in Kerala and having absolutely no clue of either language or culture beyond the bare minimum.I am sort of state-less, if you will.I have but the utmost pity for myself since I cannot converse and joke around with some amazing people just because I can only grasp and speak the everyday words. HAH. It brings back memories, sad , tragic ones where I am left standing without a clue as to what they are talking about me and what they want me to do. But I still always try and remain a part of the conversation. Smiling is the key to everything . Just a genuine confused smile.They let your faults pass and welcome you into their 'crib'.And also the other advantage is you sort of get treated a little differently, as if you are from the 'upper' class. A very 'foreign' returned native.And obviously , in my case another advantage is that even if I do not know either language completely ,I do know enough to blend in successfully.Hmm... This is boring me. I am boring myself.Till I return with more snippets then.
cheers

AMY WINEHOUSE : AMAZING

Meet you downstairs in the bar and heard
Your rolled up sleeves and your skull t-shirt
You say what did you do with him today?
And sniff me out like I was Tanqueray

Cause you're my fella, my guy
Hand me your stella and fly
By the time I'm out the door
You're tear men down like Roger Moore

I cheated myself
Like I knew I would
I told ya, I was trouble
You know that I'm no good

Upstairs in bed, with my ex boy
He's in the place, but I can't get joy
Thinking on you in the final throes, this is when my buzzer goes

Run out to meet your chips and pitter
You say we married, 'cause you're not bitter
There'll be none of him no more
[You Know I’m No Good lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

I cried for you on the kitchen floor

I cheated myself
Like I knew I would
I told ya, I was trouble
You know that I'm no good

Sweet reunion, Jamaica and Spain
We're like how we were again
I'm in the tub you on the sink
Lick your lips as I soak my feet

Then you know this little carpet burn
My stomach drop yeah and my guts churn
You shrug and it's the worst
Who truly stuck the knife in first

I cheated myself like I knew I would
I told ya I was trouble, you know that I'm no good
I cheated myself, like I knew I would
I told ya I was trouble, you know that I'm no good

Me being pensive...go figure

I have exactly 15 minutes for writing this post , finish an online pictionary game and get back to studying.My universities start on monday and needless to say am more than nervous. The stage for any pre- exam oh - my - god - am - gonna - pee - my - pants tension should have been dead and gone three years ago but for me it still remains .Maybe because my lfe isn't big enough , you know? Like an exam does seem somehow like the end of the world to me.This is the point where I remind myself that this is just a temporary lull and life will pick up in a while. I can't wait really , for life to start happening . It gets me all nervous and makes me get butterflies in my stomach but it's the best feeling .It's dimmed a little since I do know that sometimes change isn't always a good thing . I should know, I have lost and found friends, met some very interesting people , had to grapple with ideas totally new, battle with new beliefs and old.It's been interesting .The pensiveness of this post probably comes from the fact that I flunked. flunked bad.For one of my asubjects in the pre- universities. My classmate did tell me to write a post that day , so i could get my feelings out.LOL.I was happy SOMEBODY was reading my post . But then , that day I was pissed . Pissed with myself , with the world, with the people in it , with the system. with god. But I do know that it isn't all lost .May be it was necessary to get my focus back . Right , Don't know why I am writing this . I just want to keep listening to Amy winehouse sing 'you know I am no good' . Plus coming hols, I may get a tattoo.So yay me.For now, I am going to get back to studying. Come to think of it ..Life is happening . RIGHT NOW. Might as well go live it , right?