Me...ruminating

three and a half years is not a joke.It's enough for a person to grow up in a lot of ways. For friendships to be made and broken , to fall in love and out of it, to learn and unlearn , to have a first of so many things, to decide on life , to decide whom to share the rest of it with , get pregnant , to pass exams and flunk them.so many beautiful, sad , ironic and incredibly amusing things have taken place in my life in the past three and half years. I have just discovered that though i keep cribbing everyday that life just doesn't seem to be taking off , i have really 'lived' it in the truest sense of the word in the past three and a half years. I have quite literally jumped with joy, wept into my pillow night after night, felt the most alone, felt the most wanted , felt pride, envy , amusement .I have never been subjected to more of a rollercoaster ride than the time i have been in college.My final year has finally arrived and it dawns on me that i have not quite gained any knowledge but wisdom.This place makes you grow up .Really fast .It makes you take a look at yourself at your worst and if you are smart helps you correct yourself. I am sad because I have just about started picking out the people I really like and would like to be around and we are leaving .It's too soon.I want time with them .Because god only knows friends come by like a comet that appears only once every 4 centuries.The other thing is , I am shit scared.It's a big bad wolf of a world out there, too many things to look out for. I don't want to become more jaded than I already am.Because then it would be a shame.

Tamal penn

I hardly know if anyone ever reads this blog and I am fairly sure , no scratch that, absolutely sure it doesn't match up to so many amazing pieces of writing out there, but it feels wonderful.It feels wonderful to be able to type out what it is one is thinking right at this instant and post it a second later for all the world to see or not to see in my case.But it doesn't matter.Today I am going to write about the pangs of being Tamal.I don't even know if that is a word, but it sure describes me. Born a tamilian , raised in Kerala and having absolutely no clue of either language or culture beyond the bare minimum.I am sort of state-less, if you will.I have but the utmost pity for myself since I cannot converse and joke around with some amazing people just because I can only grasp and speak the everyday words. HAH. It brings back memories, sad , tragic ones where I am left standing without a clue as to what they are talking about me and what they want me to do. But I still always try and remain a part of the conversation. Smiling is the key to everything . Just a genuine confused smile.They let your faults pass and welcome you into their 'crib'.And also the other advantage is you sort of get treated a little differently, as if you are from the 'upper' class. A very 'foreign' returned native.And obviously , in my case another advantage is that even if I do not know either language completely ,I do know enough to blend in successfully.Hmm... This is boring me. I am boring myself.Till I return with more snippets then.
cheers

AMY WINEHOUSE : AMAZING

Meet you downstairs in the bar and heard
Your rolled up sleeves and your skull t-shirt
You say what did you do with him today?
And sniff me out like I was Tanqueray

Cause you're my fella, my guy
Hand me your stella and fly
By the time I'm out the door
You're tear men down like Roger Moore

I cheated myself
Like I knew I would
I told ya, I was trouble
You know that I'm no good

Upstairs in bed, with my ex boy
He's in the place, but I can't get joy
Thinking on you in the final throes, this is when my buzzer goes

Run out to meet your chips and pitter
You say we married, 'cause you're not bitter
There'll be none of him no more
[You Know I’m No Good lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

I cried for you on the kitchen floor

I cheated myself
Like I knew I would
I told ya, I was trouble
You know that I'm no good

Sweet reunion, Jamaica and Spain
We're like how we were again
I'm in the tub you on the sink
Lick your lips as I soak my feet

Then you know this little carpet burn
My stomach drop yeah and my guts churn
You shrug and it's the worst
Who truly stuck the knife in first

I cheated myself like I knew I would
I told ya I was trouble, you know that I'm no good
I cheated myself, like I knew I would
I told ya I was trouble, you know that I'm no good

Me being pensive...go figure

I have exactly 15 minutes for writing this post , finish an online pictionary game and get back to studying.My universities start on monday and needless to say am more than nervous. The stage for any pre- exam oh - my - god - am - gonna - pee - my - pants tension should have been dead and gone three years ago but for me it still remains .Maybe because my lfe isn't big enough , you know? Like an exam does seem somehow like the end of the world to me.This is the point where I remind myself that this is just a temporary lull and life will pick up in a while. I can't wait really , for life to start happening . It gets me all nervous and makes me get butterflies in my stomach but it's the best feeling .It's dimmed a little since I do know that sometimes change isn't always a good thing . I should know, I have lost and found friends, met some very interesting people , had to grapple with ideas totally new, battle with new beliefs and old.It's been interesting .The pensiveness of this post probably comes from the fact that I flunked. flunked bad.For one of my asubjects in the pre- universities. My classmate did tell me to write a post that day , so i could get my feelings out.LOL.I was happy SOMEBODY was reading my post . But then , that day I was pissed . Pissed with myself , with the world, with the people in it , with the system. with god. But I do know that it isn't all lost .May be it was necessary to get my focus back . Right , Don't know why I am writing this . I just want to keep listening to Amy winehouse sing 'you know I am no good' . Plus coming hols, I may get a tattoo.So yay me.For now, I am going to get back to studying. Come to think of it ..Life is happening . RIGHT NOW. Might as well go live it , right?

I am sick ...Very very sick...

When you are in medical college, falling sick isn't considered a big deal.Which is why sometimes I wish I studied in an arts college.I don't know why I am writing this , but maybe it's cause I feel that maybe it may not be the rarest disease or you may not be in any type of pain , but when you are sick you feel lousy. Really lousy. And sick people love hugs and sympathy.And you know the other thing I have noticed? how you can fake sympathy. It's bloody easy. Just tilt your head sideways ,nod the I- know-I - know - it's - going-to- be - alright nod and smile.And I don't care ,I love sympathy . I AM A NEEDY PERSON![:D]. So anyhoo,I have pharyngitis,I can still talk though [:X]- evil smiley? .And am on novaclox , lyser forte, bifilac, lyser forte and actified. I am sorry I have nothing better to write about, so unless you guys have some suggestions( which I am very open to) I am afraid I will be talking a lot about movies that crashed , my cold, my allergies,free advice on getting a love life and not losing it( do i see some interest?). ooooh i hav one more thing to talk about .. I love taking pictures , they aren't great but the camera on my phone rocks(it's a N73 btw..and those of you who are into phones will know it has a 3.2 megapixel camera).So I will be posting some pics in the coming entries since right now, my comp is acting up probably because every other living entity who has a computer is on at this very Deepavali moment.
kisses

ummm....

Right.So where I left off was many months ago during which I turned 20 ,wrote many exams , on paper and in life( I am new at this senti - dialogue thingie.but working on it), read many books and blogs,bought new clothes , made some new friends , so on and so forth.I got my ears pierced for the second time in the same spot and it's closed again now. Thank god i don't have a keloid, oh and ihave a pierced nose now.Only I look north indian rather than my iyer self. I look pretty.Good.lol.This blog is basically like a very very random diary entry , except that I am sparing the world of some of the details .It's been a while since i have been out of it , i have become bone lazy which many people say is not a good thing.I am just saying well if other people are there who are willing to do work, give them a chance. I really do believe that. Division of labour. And i excel in supervising. From a distance. sitting on a chair. Preferrably a lazy boy. Sipping coffee. oh ! One thing that hasn't changed .My love for coffee. If anything it has become a full fledged affair . Many people have started noticing and have been telling me to cut all ties because they think my liver will give way when i turn 25. It might . lol.But what the hell.so anyway, much as i have tried .....i seem completely unable to gather my thoughts and put them down on paper with much more effect. so am off for a nap and maybe later i'll get in a line or two.with sense in them.

i screamed .....NOT

Today's post is all about the new fearless me...so maybe a lil fearless.I got my ears pierced today! For the second time.Of course the first time is a distant memory.Apparently i was one and a half and quite the brat. My mother pierced one ear and i started crying( read bawling) and ran around the shop with my mother running behind me with the gun( there's a sentence i thought i would never write.lol).Of course , by then the entire shop had pitched into catching me. Once caught , I knew there was no way out .The second ear had to be pierced.If that had not happened , i would not be here today nearly twenty years later with fully pierced ears. Growing up I could have made fun of all the girls who had to wear clip on earrings. But i didn't.

So anyway, i had been thinking of getting a second piercing since the ninth standard. Of course , my mother totally was against the idea and told me how painful it would be and it would get infected and i would get a keloid and yadayada.So i kept putting it off till last week.I gathered whatever little courage(?) i had and decided to get it pierced .Of course, i wanted the gun to be used. the shop didn't have it and the goldsmith who pierces doesn't do it after sunset. I have been meaning to find out why though. Right .. so anyway ..i returned that day thinking i probably would never do it when today i just had to ..lol..It was like one of those things if i didn't do, i would never be happy. I AM WEIRD THAT WAY.lol

So anyway , i reach there.The kind of goldsmith i got to pierce my ears didn't help either.He had the most sarcastic smirk on his face. I guess he thought i would scream.WHICH I DID.lol.Only because i thought it would hurt.When it didn't my scream sort of went from ooooowww.....whoooo.It wasn't so bad and now am thinking of piercing my nose.I do know i have a relatively larger nose than the rest of the country but still tell me what u guys think.Will it look good or will i never find love with that?
[:D]